Love Yourself First

 Dafina Doci 

                                                            Love Yourself First 

    As Clarissa Dalloway sat at her office working, she got distracted and began to think about her encounter with Peter, her ex- boyfriend from her past that happened over the weekend when she was buying herself some tulips. She realized how happy she felt when she encountered Peter. She then began to question herself if she was happy in her marriage ? She was married to Richard, but she did not feel happy. Peter sent her a friend request on facebook a few days ago and she has not accepted or declined. After contemplating if she should accept or not she finally accepted it. As soon as she accepted the request, Peter sent her a direct message on Facebook. Peter has asked to visit her since he was in the area. Clarissa was hesitant at first, but she eventually agreed to meet him for coffee. 

The previous memories flooded back when they finally met. They conversed for hours, sharing memories of the past and catching up on current events. Clarissa has discovered that she still had feelings for Peter, and it appeared that he also had feelings for her.

Days passed, and Clarissa and Peter started seeing each other more regularly behind her husband's back. They frequently got together for lunch, coffee, or even just a stroll through the park. Despite the fact that they were both married, they couldn't fight their desire for one another.

Clarissa was aware that what she was doing was the wrong thing, but she was unable to stop. She was at last content once more, and she didn't want to lose it. They ultimately shared a bed one night while her husband was on a business trip. 

Clarissa was aware that her marriage with Richard had to stop. She was unable to carry on living a lie. Richard was devastated to learn that she wanted a divorce. Why would she sacrifice their future together for an old flame.  

Clarissa was unconcerned. She was madly in love with Peter and would do anything to be with him.She had at last discovered the joy she had been looking for. Peter, though, then began to back off. He started acting distant and Clarissa was confused as to why.

She received a phone call from Peter's wife one day. She had found out her husband Peter had been cheating on her. She revealed to Clarissa that Peter had cheated on her with many women and had a history of cheating. Clarissa was heartbroken. She had left everything for Peter, only to discover that he was not the guy she had imagined.

Clarissa confronted Peter about the phone call she received from his wife and asked Peter if he was willing to leave his wife for her, but Peter had said no. Leaving Clarissa alone and unhappy. She realized she had made a mistake by throwing away everything she owned for someone who didn't even love her.

Clarissa learned an important lesson. She learned she had to love herself first before she could love others. She couldn't rely on others to make her happy, and she needed to love herself first.

Clarissa eventually moved on from Peter and found pleasure inside herself. She learnt to love herself and to value the people in her life who genuinely cared about her. Although she had made mistakes in the past, she knew she had become stronger as a result of them.

As time went on, Clarissa began to be happy again. She began the gym. She began drawing and traveling with her friends.  All that mattered was that she was content. She didn't need anyone else to make her happy because she had discovered it within herself.

Foot Note: Clarissa Dalloway and Peter Walsh's relationship in Virginia Woolf's "Mrs. Dalloway" is tangled and full of unresolved emotions. In their younger years, they had been close friends and had even talked about getting married, but they ultimately parted ways. Clarissa is still troubled by the thought of Peter and what may have been between them despite their separation. When Clarissa and Peter reunite in London, they talk about the past and their unresolved emotions come to the surface. But in the end, Peter's unwillingness to commit and his harsh criticism of Clarissa's life decisions caused their relationship to sour once more.